I don't know about you, but when I'm in the car, and a song by Queen comes on, I have to listen to the whole thing, no matter how many times I've heard it. "Momma...just killed a man...put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead," with the same emotion as when I first heard it in Wayne's World (I'm not old enough to have been there the first time around.) I will even sit in a parked car and be a few minutes late to work just to hear the song. Freddie Mercury has the most gorgeous voice in rock and roll that I know of, and I even found out recently that a famous opera singer requested to perform a concert with him.
Two of the best-known Queen songs, "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions" are regularly played at sporting events, particularly hockey. And I find it poignant lately that many of the people who attend these games probably are not big Queen fans, or maybe even don't know that the songs were made by Queen, or could just be too young to know. Most of these people are men, and may exist in a culture where masculinity is placed at a premium, and where homosexuality is considered a weakness, or at least something to stay away from. The word "gay" is tossed around as an affectionate insult, as in "dude, that shirt looks gay on you," or "that's gay," or "I don't hug men, that's gay."
And yet these songs were written by a man who was very gay and who still rocked enough to get stadiums full of tens of thousands of people stomping their feet and clapping their hands in unison 30 years later. Who wore tights and a skinny bare chest during concerts and yet whose song "We Are the Champions" is automatically played at the winning of the Stanley Cup, World Series and other finals.
And that is the beauty of real art--it transcends these boundaries. In New York City, when I would stop to see a really good drummer with his plastic buckets I would look around me to see who else was listening. People of all backgrounds would stop--the audience was merely composed of people who loved drumming. Stoners, stockbrokers, housewives and seniors all together. But somehow I find it more powerful to think of a gay lead singer, who was aware of the homosexual connotations when naming his band "Queen," bringing the sports world to its knees, giant men with chipped and missing teeth hugging and loving each other when they win the championship.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Food for Thought
Our reality is very much driven by the foods we consume.
Most of us eat diets that are too heavy for our system--processed foods, too much fat, sugar, etc. In the classic macrobiotic cookbook "The Self Healing Cookbook," Kristina Turner says that people eat fat to emotionally buffer themselves from the harsher aspects of life, and that it is something we do to survive modern life.
I think we eat food that we know is bad for us because it enables us to get through a day that we aren't into--a rude awakening by the alarm clock, rushing around, meetings, and projects at work we don't always agree with. I had a job where I was frequently on deadline to produce copious amounts of work, and on those days I always craved the same thing--an Italian sandwich from Subway, a bag of Doritos, and a diet Coke.
Have you ever tried to eat a simple, whole foods, non-caffienated diet? Something changes in you, you don't have that "rush" that allows you to work at a ridiculous pace.
In her book "Super Cleanse," Adina Niemerow, a health food chef, talks about clients who attend her cleansing retreats. They eat fresh, organic foods with little adulteration. After unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, the people often have big realizations that they are living lives they don't always agree with. People have thoughts like, "why am I investing in a company that dumps oil in the ocean or contributes to the weapons industry?" Or "why am I marketing director for a company that sells a product I don't believe in?" Some of these people change their careers entirely, beginning nonprofits or going back to school to become naturopaths or something similar.
There is some energetic component of food that makes people think or act a certain way. Heavier, processed foods enable us to either get through jobs we're not into, or if we are into them, to work at an unhealthy pace. Lighter, unprocessed foods force reflection, and make it impossible to work at the same pace.
So if U.S. culture is moving towards shopping at Whole Foods, buying organic, and thinking about nutrition, we are also moving towards some consciousness shift where the career culture will soon look very different.
Most of us eat diets that are too heavy for our system--processed foods, too much fat, sugar, etc. In the classic macrobiotic cookbook "The Self Healing Cookbook," Kristina Turner says that people eat fat to emotionally buffer themselves from the harsher aspects of life, and that it is something we do to survive modern life.
I think we eat food that we know is bad for us because it enables us to get through a day that we aren't into--a rude awakening by the alarm clock, rushing around, meetings, and projects at work we don't always agree with. I had a job where I was frequently on deadline to produce copious amounts of work, and on those days I always craved the same thing--an Italian sandwich from Subway, a bag of Doritos, and a diet Coke.
Have you ever tried to eat a simple, whole foods, non-caffienated diet? Something changes in you, you don't have that "rush" that allows you to work at a ridiculous pace.
In her book "Super Cleanse," Adina Niemerow, a health food chef, talks about clients who attend her cleansing retreats. They eat fresh, organic foods with little adulteration. After unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, the people often have big realizations that they are living lives they don't always agree with. People have thoughts like, "why am I investing in a company that dumps oil in the ocean or contributes to the weapons industry?" Or "why am I marketing director for a company that sells a product I don't believe in?" Some of these people change their careers entirely, beginning nonprofits or going back to school to become naturopaths or something similar.
There is some energetic component of food that makes people think or act a certain way. Heavier, processed foods enable us to either get through jobs we're not into, or if we are into them, to work at an unhealthy pace. Lighter, unprocessed foods force reflection, and make it impossible to work at the same pace.
So if U.S. culture is moving towards shopping at Whole Foods, buying organic, and thinking about nutrition, we are also moving towards some consciousness shift where the career culture will soon look very different.
Friday, February 5, 2010
To B12 or not to B12?
Working as a nutrition assistant in health food stores over the past year or so has given me some insight into supplements and herbs. There are thousands of products to choose from, and I see when people come in how they get easily overwhelmed. But for every person who worries that they're not taking enough, there's several more people who aren't taking anything at all.
So I devote this blog to basic supplement information. I will tell you the three basic supplements that you probably should take. It's debatable, as a lot of people like to get their nutrition solely from food, but the reality is that most of us aren't eating a whole-foods diet.
Number One: You need a multivitamin. It's easy to forget, and to think you need instead a miracle green powder or fish oil combination, but a daily multivitamin is the main supplement you need. It contains just about all the essential daily nutrients. An "essential" nutrient, like vitamin C or zinc, is something that a person needs to get from food, or somewhere outside the body, because the body can't produce it on its own. Many people come into a health food store because they lack energy, and want an interesting herb or antioxidant from the rainforest to pep them up, but they're not taking a daily multivitamin. It's amazing how much more energy you have when your daily nutrition needs are met.
People wonder, also, why the amounts of vitamins and minerals are so high on a multi. What it is is the difference between maintenance and "optimal" nutrition. For example, if your multi has 60 mg. (or 100% daily value) of vitamin C, it is performing at a maintenance level to prevent scurvy and other complications. However, if it has 250 mg. of vitamin C, as many vitamins do, the vitamin C begins to perform at the "optimal" level and acts an an anti-aging nutrient, and it is also good for your heart health. So a lot of vitamins today are formulated at the "optimal" level.
Number Two: You need a calcium/magnesium combination. Calcium and magnesium are also essential minerals, and thus you'll see them in your multivitamin, but they won't be there in high enough quantities. Many people get confused or upset that there's not enough calcium and magnesium in their multi, but the problem is that the vitamin is not big enough to hold the calcium and magnesium. The daily required dose of calcium is 1 gram (1,000 mg.), and magnesium is 400 mg., making them the largest essential supplements in your diet. They usually are sold in a combination together, but you can also buy them separately.
Many people find out from their doctor that they need to be taking calcium, but the doctor fails to mention that they also need magnesium. You can take calcium on its own, but you run the risk that it may not absorb into your bones well enough if you do that. When you take it with magnesium (and a good combo will also have a little vitamin D and/or K), it absorbs much better into your bones where it's supposed to be, and stays out of your arteries.
Men also need calcium/magnesium. Women are often encouraged to take it to prevent osteoporosis, but the minerals are just as essential form men.
Number Three: You may need to take an iron supplement.
For reasons I don't quite understand, it's becoming common for multivitamins to be sold without iron these days. It may be because iron upsets some people's stomachs, so the manufacturers take it out. Either way, iron is an essential mineral, and you should always check your vitamin to make sure it's there. If it's not there, you need to take it separately.
The good thing is that iron supplements run cheap--$6 or $7 per bottle. And you should be able to find something called "gentle iron" or "easy iron," which is easier on the stomach.
So I devote this blog to basic supplement information. I will tell you the three basic supplements that you probably should take. It's debatable, as a lot of people like to get their nutrition solely from food, but the reality is that most of us aren't eating a whole-foods diet.
Number One: You need a multivitamin. It's easy to forget, and to think you need instead a miracle green powder or fish oil combination, but a daily multivitamin is the main supplement you need. It contains just about all the essential daily nutrients. An "essential" nutrient, like vitamin C or zinc, is something that a person needs to get from food, or somewhere outside the body, because the body can't produce it on its own. Many people come into a health food store because they lack energy, and want an interesting herb or antioxidant from the rainforest to pep them up, but they're not taking a daily multivitamin. It's amazing how much more energy you have when your daily nutrition needs are met.
People wonder, also, why the amounts of vitamins and minerals are so high on a multi. What it is is the difference between maintenance and "optimal" nutrition. For example, if your multi has 60 mg. (or 100% daily value) of vitamin C, it is performing at a maintenance level to prevent scurvy and other complications. However, if it has 250 mg. of vitamin C, as many vitamins do, the vitamin C begins to perform at the "optimal" level and acts an an anti-aging nutrient, and it is also good for your heart health. So a lot of vitamins today are formulated at the "optimal" level.
Number Two: You need a calcium/magnesium combination. Calcium and magnesium are also essential minerals, and thus you'll see them in your multivitamin, but they won't be there in high enough quantities. Many people get confused or upset that there's not enough calcium and magnesium in their multi, but the problem is that the vitamin is not big enough to hold the calcium and magnesium. The daily required dose of calcium is 1 gram (1,000 mg.), and magnesium is 400 mg., making them the largest essential supplements in your diet. They usually are sold in a combination together, but you can also buy them separately.
Many people find out from their doctor that they need to be taking calcium, but the doctor fails to mention that they also need magnesium. You can take calcium on its own, but you run the risk that it may not absorb into your bones well enough if you do that. When you take it with magnesium (and a good combo will also have a little vitamin D and/or K), it absorbs much better into your bones where it's supposed to be, and stays out of your arteries.
Men also need calcium/magnesium. Women are often encouraged to take it to prevent osteoporosis, but the minerals are just as essential form men.
Number Three: You may need to take an iron supplement.
For reasons I don't quite understand, it's becoming common for multivitamins to be sold without iron these days. It may be because iron upsets some people's stomachs, so the manufacturers take it out. Either way, iron is an essential mineral, and you should always check your vitamin to make sure it's there. If it's not there, you need to take it separately.
The good thing is that iron supplements run cheap--$6 or $7 per bottle. And you should be able to find something called "gentle iron" or "easy iron," which is easier on the stomach.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Maman/Madre
In college, I was talking about feminism with a friend. "I feel united with women everywhere," I said. "I think of myself as a woman."
"Really?" she said. "I think of myself first as Hispanic and second as a woman." Her experiences of exclusion were based more on race than gender.
It was a little disappointing to me, because white people don't usually say "I think of myself first as white and second as a woman," although maybe we should. Whiteness is so diffused throughout the media and the corporate world that it's not often thought of as an identity.
This conversation was my first notion that women of color have different feminist issues than white women, that their identities could be more complex and involve more than one layer. Indeed, as I read some prominent feminists, I realized that cultural richness and vastly different viewpoints among feminists of different races is a big feature of the theory today.
And according to Angela Davis, radical scholar, feminism in the United States is not superior to other forms of feminism worldwide. Our values do not need to be spread to other places where women may have been thinking and developing their own ideas for centuries. (She says the same thing about our democratic values.)
Among people who don't read or think much about it, feminism is commonly thought of as a phenomenon that happened among educated white women at universities in the 1970s, that involved bra-burning and fighting for status in the workplace. It is thought to have birthed Hillary Clinton and others like her. It generally thought of in a negative, joking light.
But feminism has been around for longer than that, with women of all races and classes working for different things worldwide, some under the official banner of feminism, some not. And so feminism today can look like many things. It can be advocating for more women painters at an art retrospective, it can be fighting for a safe public space for lesbians to hang out in a conservative town, or it can be offering free childcare to low-income women.
So women really are very diverse, and walking many different paths. And to say that a privileged woman has some sort of spiritual bond with a really oppressed woman is probably too romanticized.
But I do think we have a bond. And the bond is not feminism, or a common fight, but a common love. The love of children.
When I was 10 and visiting Japan with my parents, I thought I was lost in a shopping mall and burst into tears. A female clerk came over to me, knelt down to my height, and began asking me questions in Japanese. "I can't find my mom!" I said. "Mama?" the woman asked. She understood immediately, and stood up straight and saw my parents just a little ways away, and brought me there. She did not speak English, but she understood the language of mother.
Not all women love children, but most do have an innate maternalism. And you will see this on the bus or elevator when one woman looks down at a stroller and gives a big smile to the baby or child inside. All else becomes unimportant as she gets tunnel vision and interacts with the baby. And then she'll smile at the mother, and perhaps they will talk. Or perhaps not, if they speak different languages. The two women would not have bonded without the child, but with the child between them they feel a common love, and they will at least smile at each other. And the mother is so proud of her child, and loves to hear the details of how cute or bright her child is.
It could be a corporate lawyer smiling at the child of a grocery clerk, or vice versa, but because of the child, that boundary is dissolved. All judgement and competition disappears for a brief moment.
"Really?" she said. "I think of myself first as Hispanic and second as a woman." Her experiences of exclusion were based more on race than gender.
It was a little disappointing to me, because white people don't usually say "I think of myself first as white and second as a woman," although maybe we should. Whiteness is so diffused throughout the media and the corporate world that it's not often thought of as an identity.
This conversation was my first notion that women of color have different feminist issues than white women, that their identities could be more complex and involve more than one layer. Indeed, as I read some prominent feminists, I realized that cultural richness and vastly different viewpoints among feminists of different races is a big feature of the theory today.
And according to Angela Davis, radical scholar, feminism in the United States is not superior to other forms of feminism worldwide. Our values do not need to be spread to other places where women may have been thinking and developing their own ideas for centuries. (She says the same thing about our democratic values.)
Among people who don't read or think much about it, feminism is commonly thought of as a phenomenon that happened among educated white women at universities in the 1970s, that involved bra-burning and fighting for status in the workplace. It is thought to have birthed Hillary Clinton and others like her. It generally thought of in a negative, joking light.
But feminism has been around for longer than that, with women of all races and classes working for different things worldwide, some under the official banner of feminism, some not. And so feminism today can look like many things. It can be advocating for more women painters at an art retrospective, it can be fighting for a safe public space for lesbians to hang out in a conservative town, or it can be offering free childcare to low-income women.
So women really are very diverse, and walking many different paths. And to say that a privileged woman has some sort of spiritual bond with a really oppressed woman is probably too romanticized.
But I do think we have a bond. And the bond is not feminism, or a common fight, but a common love. The love of children.
When I was 10 and visiting Japan with my parents, I thought I was lost in a shopping mall and burst into tears. A female clerk came over to me, knelt down to my height, and began asking me questions in Japanese. "I can't find my mom!" I said. "Mama?" the woman asked. She understood immediately, and stood up straight and saw my parents just a little ways away, and brought me there. She did not speak English, but she understood the language of mother.
Not all women love children, but most do have an innate maternalism. And you will see this on the bus or elevator when one woman looks down at a stroller and gives a big smile to the baby or child inside. All else becomes unimportant as she gets tunnel vision and interacts with the baby. And then she'll smile at the mother, and perhaps they will talk. Or perhaps not, if they speak different languages. The two women would not have bonded without the child, but with the child between them they feel a common love, and they will at least smile at each other. And the mother is so proud of her child, and loves to hear the details of how cute or bright her child is.
It could be a corporate lawyer smiling at the child of a grocery clerk, or vice versa, but because of the child, that boundary is dissolved. All judgement and competition disappears for a brief moment.
Monday, January 4, 2010
He's a Real Nowhere Man
I took a year off of college almost ten years ago, and one of the places I visited during that year was Mendocino, a magical town in Northern California. It is right next to the ocean and surrounded by old-growth forest.
My traveling buddy and I happened upon a tree-sit, and I say "happened upon" because that's literally what happened--one of the hippies in town asked us if we'd like to visit. We ended up living there, sitting in a tree 150 feet off the ground, for a month or so. It was not as difficult as is rumored, because we were able to come down every couple of days and even go into town once in awhile to get some sundries for the tree. In reality, it was a pretty nice existence.
I met a few of the passionate activists who were involved in trying to save this and other trees from being cut down. There was Osha, who lived in a trailer a mile away, who was trying to figure out how to put up sits in some of the other trees that were supposed to come down first. There was Currynt, the leader of the sit, who reused every little thing and walked everywhere. There was a man who delayed the loggers by a month or so because he wouldn't allow them to cross his land. There was even a woman who did topless demonstrations in front of loggers because they couldn't arrest her--physically grab her--because of her nudity. All these people weaved in and out of my existence during that month.
But I remember one day Osha introduced me to two men, maybe in their late twenties, wearing scruffy clothes but not homeless-looking, unlike so many of the hippies who lived outdoors in Mendocino. They were the type of guys you'd expect to have trail-building jobs and not be able to function in an office environment. "These are the guys who built the sit," said Osha, and I looked at them, impressed, but they didn't have much to say. In fact, they were socially awkward and disappeared after a half hour or so.
Building a tree-sit is an incredibly difficult thing. The people in Mendocino did it without the foot spikes that go into the tree (as Lisa Simpson uses in the tree-sitting episode of the Simpsons). They did it by wrapping a rope around the trunk and inching their way up little by little. I watched Osha try and do this in a smaller tree and saw her face wrenched with pain after just ten or so feet. So these men got through 150 feet of this climbing. I'm sure they rested on branches in between, but still, they had the perseverance to go all that way up the tree, plus rig some giant boards to the tree, all with rope--no nails, so that people could live up there.
The most famous name in tree-sitting is Julia Butterfly, a woman who sat in a Redwood tree for two years without coming down. Her refusal to come down led to that tree and thousands around it to be saved, and to more mainstream awareness of deforestation. But before Julia, there had to be a couple of guys (or women) who trudged through the forest with boards, ropes and buckets to build the platform that would become her home.
The history of activism and positive world change is littered with these anonymous folks--people who aren't charming or good on camera--but who build things, cook things, mail things, and generally do unglamorous work.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
How to Catch a Man in 2010
I know my writing has been angry as of late, but I just seem to be picking up on all the ridiculousness of the world! This entry will be a list of qualities I experience as necessary to capture the attention of a 21st century man. I don’t want it to be offensive to many of the women I know, as plenty of them are happily married or dating wonderful men, and don’t share the same experiences as me. And I know there are conscientious young men out there, but the list below will apply to the other ones. This is my experience as a college-educated young woman. It’s a joke, but not really. This is life.
How to Catch a Man in 2010
1. If you meet a nice-looking man at a bar, don’t tell him what college you went to if it was a good one, instead just tell him what state it was in.
2. Instead of saving money for your own financial security, spend any extra on updating your wardrobe. Put it on a credit card if you must.
3. Wear uncomfortable high heels at unnecessary times, like going to the airport or grocery store.
4. Squeeze an exercise regimen into your spare time, but don’t require it of your mate. Avoid soda, alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, and fat. (After all, that couple in “The King of Queens” was so darn cute.)
5. Dress in suggestive clothing all the time, but don’t gratify your own sexual needs. Everyone knows that each sexual partner a woman has reduces her desirability as a marriage commodity.
6. If you express feminist tendencies, laugh and bat your eyelashes when men around you make “lesbian” remarks.
7. Instead of spending an hour reading in the morning, spend that hour getting ready. Or, if you insist on having it all, wake yourself up an hour early and do both, and develop a coke habit to support your lifestyle.
8. Never think critically of your situation.
9. Instead of getting to know the women you work with, give them fake smiles and talk behind their backs.
10. If you work in a male-dominated company, just shrug it off when your ideas and creativity are ignored. Continue to accept work that is below your capacity. Congratulate male co-workers who are encouraged to succeed. After all, one of them may one day prove to be a boyfriend.
11. If a man in your life is rude to you, don’t challenge him. Instead, go home and adjust your look and attitude to be more feminine and flirtatious, so the next time he sees you, he will accept you.
12. If he likes sports, learn about sports. If he likes politics, learn about politics. If he likes hip-hop, learn about that. Read the books he reads. But never expect him to learn more about your interests.
13. Dress as the type of woman he’s attracted to, whether that be hipster, priss, or bad girl. Forget what your own fashion is.
14. Consciously or unconsciously gravitate towards jobs and careers that pay lower, so you have a higher chance of meeting a mate with a higher income than you. After all, to earn more than he would emasculate him.
15. Gravitate toward jobs with “assistant” or “support” in the title.
16. Only watch movies with him that have male protagonists. We all know that any movie with a female lead or story is a “chick flick,” however critically acclaimed. Even Sophie’s Choice was probably a chick flick.
17. Cultivate an attitude of demureness, saving your spark for alone time with girlfriends. Maintain this attitude of demureness throughout your relationship, because to make any moves that are too big or too bold will confuse and possibly hurt your mate.
18. Spend all your time with your girlfriends trying to figure out why men are the way they are, and how you can improve your relationship. Never have a discussion about art, politics, or anything else that may interest you.
19. Take pole-dancing or stripping lessons to further entice your mate, instead of learning about healing or any of the other ways female energy can be used.
20. Let society convince you to have a baby before you’re ready, so you can be a “hot young mom.” Ignore the cries of your small child but make sure she's wearing a cute outfit before you go out the door so she can make a nice accessory. Having babies past the age of 29 is so unfeminine.
This list is written as satire, but it’s not really satire. This is the way many young women live their lives. It can be particularly hard for smart women. In Maureen Dowd’s critique of the gender wars, “Are Men Necessary?” she talks about a study that showed that for every 20 points a woman’s IQ increases, her chance of marriage decreases a certain amount. She also details a tragic but funny tale about a woman who dated and married a man who had a very high IQ, who was successful in his career and proud of his intellectual accomplishments. The woman was careful to not talk too much about her own abilities, and finally, on their wedding night, she confessed to him in tears that her IQ was much higher than his. It had proved such a burden to her dating life that she had hidden it from the man that would become her husband. Thankfully, he took it in stride and ended up admiring and loving her mind.
And Dowd had her own dating challenges as an intelligent, thinking single woman. She said a co-worker at the New York Times had considered asking her out at one point but was too intimidated, because her position was too powerful. She also had Bill Clinton make a joke at a gala she attended that she was an “emasculating b****,” a joke that went over well with the crowd. Such jokes are common, but she pointed out that a male political journalist would never be called that, he would be called “hard-hitting” or something similarly admirable.
And this is why dynamic, intelligent women are afraid of appearing too bold—because it is considered “emasculating,” and could turn off a potential mate.
How to Catch a Man in 2010
1. If you meet a nice-looking man at a bar, don’t tell him what college you went to if it was a good one, instead just tell him what state it was in.
2. Instead of saving money for your own financial security, spend any extra on updating your wardrobe. Put it on a credit card if you must.
3. Wear uncomfortable high heels at unnecessary times, like going to the airport or grocery store.
4. Squeeze an exercise regimen into your spare time, but don’t require it of your mate. Avoid soda, alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, and fat. (After all, that couple in “The King of Queens” was so darn cute.)
5. Dress in suggestive clothing all the time, but don’t gratify your own sexual needs. Everyone knows that each sexual partner a woman has reduces her desirability as a marriage commodity.
6. If you express feminist tendencies, laugh and bat your eyelashes when men around you make “lesbian” remarks.
7. Instead of spending an hour reading in the morning, spend that hour getting ready. Or, if you insist on having it all, wake yourself up an hour early and do both, and develop a coke habit to support your lifestyle.
8. Never think critically of your situation.
9. Instead of getting to know the women you work with, give them fake smiles and talk behind their backs.
10. If you work in a male-dominated company, just shrug it off when your ideas and creativity are ignored. Continue to accept work that is below your capacity. Congratulate male co-workers who are encouraged to succeed. After all, one of them may one day prove to be a boyfriend.
11. If a man in your life is rude to you, don’t challenge him. Instead, go home and adjust your look and attitude to be more feminine and flirtatious, so the next time he sees you, he will accept you.
12. If he likes sports, learn about sports. If he likes politics, learn about politics. If he likes hip-hop, learn about that. Read the books he reads. But never expect him to learn more about your interests.
13. Dress as the type of woman he’s attracted to, whether that be hipster, priss, or bad girl. Forget what your own fashion is.
14. Consciously or unconsciously gravitate towards jobs and careers that pay lower, so you have a higher chance of meeting a mate with a higher income than you. After all, to earn more than he would emasculate him.
15. Gravitate toward jobs with “assistant” or “support” in the title.
16. Only watch movies with him that have male protagonists. We all know that any movie with a female lead or story is a “chick flick,” however critically acclaimed. Even Sophie’s Choice was probably a chick flick.
17. Cultivate an attitude of demureness, saving your spark for alone time with girlfriends. Maintain this attitude of demureness throughout your relationship, because to make any moves that are too big or too bold will confuse and possibly hurt your mate.
18. Spend all your time with your girlfriends trying to figure out why men are the way they are, and how you can improve your relationship. Never have a discussion about art, politics, or anything else that may interest you.
19. Take pole-dancing or stripping lessons to further entice your mate, instead of learning about healing or any of the other ways female energy can be used.
20. Let society convince you to have a baby before you’re ready, so you can be a “hot young mom.” Ignore the cries of your small child but make sure she's wearing a cute outfit before you go out the door so she can make a nice accessory. Having babies past the age of 29 is so unfeminine.
This list is written as satire, but it’s not really satire. This is the way many young women live their lives. It can be particularly hard for smart women. In Maureen Dowd’s critique of the gender wars, “Are Men Necessary?” she talks about a study that showed that for every 20 points a woman’s IQ increases, her chance of marriage decreases a certain amount. She also details a tragic but funny tale about a woman who dated and married a man who had a very high IQ, who was successful in his career and proud of his intellectual accomplishments. The woman was careful to not talk too much about her own abilities, and finally, on their wedding night, she confessed to him in tears that her IQ was much higher than his. It had proved such a burden to her dating life that she had hidden it from the man that would become her husband. Thankfully, he took it in stride and ended up admiring and loving her mind.
And Dowd had her own dating challenges as an intelligent, thinking single woman. She said a co-worker at the New York Times had considered asking her out at one point but was too intimidated, because her position was too powerful. She also had Bill Clinton make a joke at a gala she attended that she was an “emasculating b****,” a joke that went over well with the crowd. Such jokes are common, but she pointed out that a male political journalist would never be called that, he would be called “hard-hitting” or something similarly admirable.
And this is why dynamic, intelligent women are afraid of appearing too bold—because it is considered “emasculating,” and could turn off a potential mate.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Merry Christmas 2009
I was doing some Christmas shopping at Borders, and at the checkout I saw this tiny felt giftbag with a penguin on it, meant to hold a giftcard. “Oh!” I thought. “How cute! So-and-so would really like this bag!” And it was on sale for 50% off—only $2.
Luckily I caught myself, like so many practical women before me I realized that the wrapping paper from last year was perfectly good enough for this year’s gifts. Because if we don’t watch it, we’ll spend $2, and $2, and $2 again, until we’ve spent $40 or more dollars on useless Christmas crap that will probably be thrown away.
Retailers are cunning that way. I once read a famous copywriter who said that there is a psychology of selling, where if someone makes one purchase they’ll be in the mood to purchase additional, unplanned items.
I love Christmas, and I know most of the readers of this blog love it, too. But part of what I really love is seeing the same items over and over again as I get older. The collections people acquire over the years—the sentimental items, worth money or maybe not. On my mother’s side of the family it would be these Santa mugs, placed on the room divider between the kitchen and living room, from probably the 1950s, that acquired chips over years of handling. As a child I would step into my granparents’ house during Christmas break and see those mugs, and know I was in for a few days of uncensored sweets, hanging out with my best-friend cousins, sweet pickles, and of course my loving grandparents and family. Those mugs still remain in my family, at a beloved aunt’s house.
On my father’s side of the family it would be an electric candelabra I would see in my grandparents’ window as we drove up to their Kansas City home at night. I would know that both my grandparents would be there in their cardigan sweaters to greet me, that there would be delicious chocolate chip cookies, and that if there was snow, I’d be sledding with my cousins on slopes so dangerous we could give ourselves concussions. I think my grandmother probably still puts this candelabra out at Christmas.
If there is a higher purpose in our severe recession, I think it is to remind us that there are more important things than money, and we should be thankful for the things we have. That if we give them a polish, we can see them as if new again.
Because the crappy light-up Santa tree topper, which doesn’t even have a face anymore, bought in 1965 (making that up) for 50 cents, proves so much more valuable with the memories it acquires than a newer, snazzier tree topper on sale at Macy’s.
Luckily I caught myself, like so many practical women before me I realized that the wrapping paper from last year was perfectly good enough for this year’s gifts. Because if we don’t watch it, we’ll spend $2, and $2, and $2 again, until we’ve spent $40 or more dollars on useless Christmas crap that will probably be thrown away.
Retailers are cunning that way. I once read a famous copywriter who said that there is a psychology of selling, where if someone makes one purchase they’ll be in the mood to purchase additional, unplanned items.
I love Christmas, and I know most of the readers of this blog love it, too. But part of what I really love is seeing the same items over and over again as I get older. The collections people acquire over the years—the sentimental items, worth money or maybe not. On my mother’s side of the family it would be these Santa mugs, placed on the room divider between the kitchen and living room, from probably the 1950s, that acquired chips over years of handling. As a child I would step into my granparents’ house during Christmas break and see those mugs, and know I was in for a few days of uncensored sweets, hanging out with my best-friend cousins, sweet pickles, and of course my loving grandparents and family. Those mugs still remain in my family, at a beloved aunt’s house.
On my father’s side of the family it would be an electric candelabra I would see in my grandparents’ window as we drove up to their Kansas City home at night. I would know that both my grandparents would be there in their cardigan sweaters to greet me, that there would be delicious chocolate chip cookies, and that if there was snow, I’d be sledding with my cousins on slopes so dangerous we could give ourselves concussions. I think my grandmother probably still puts this candelabra out at Christmas.
If there is a higher purpose in our severe recession, I think it is to remind us that there are more important things than money, and we should be thankful for the things we have. That if we give them a polish, we can see them as if new again.
Because the crappy light-up Santa tree topper, which doesn’t even have a face anymore, bought in 1965 (making that up) for 50 cents, proves so much more valuable with the memories it acquires than a newer, snazzier tree topper on sale at Macy’s.
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